Handling Family and Their Survivor Bias
Stating the words "Sleep Training," out loud first felt a bit odd, when speaking to friends and family, when beginning this journey. In my 23 years of life never once had I met a family who had talked about, implemented or encouraged Sleep Training. Shoot, I do not think I even knew that sleep training was something that even existed. Let's be honest, I had absolutely no idea.
Repeatedly, from the time I was pregnant, until I sleep trained I thought that sleep was just out the window. There was never once going to be the opportunity to enjoy a full night of rest without sleep being disrupted by a hungry baby, overtired toddler or a child that just could not be settled. Insert tears and mental breakdowns.
In this post not only am I here to tell you that sleep deprivation does not have to be a part of your journey, but also, feeling guilty about your moms, aunts, grandmothers or best friend’s survivor bias and non-sleep training journey should not ever be the reason you sacrifice your sanity to not implement safe and healthy sleeping habits.
They, those who have something negative to say, did the best they could with the knowledge they had, at the time they entered their motherhood journey, but guess what, you are raising this little one (or little one's) and living a sleep deprived life does not make one a better mother or father. There is no award for the most sleep deprived mother. If there is... I don't want it, and neither should you.
Sleep training does not make you the weakest parent in the world. Why has parenthood become survival of the most sleep deprived?
You and your family choosing this route means that you educated yourself and decided that this route was going to best fit your life and your family. Stop feeling guilty for wanting to be well rested.
One comment that the families I work with will hear me say and see me type is, "remember your goals and your hopes for change." So, when you decide that Sleep Training is the route for your family write the goals down and stick them all over the house, because not only are you feeling guilty about sleep training, because you feel that this means you are weak, but you'll probably feel the grunting and moaning of some family and friends.
Sleep Training will work for every child, but not for every family. I say this because some families will not be ready to endure the hard work that it takes to implement safe and healthy sleep habits. Some families will criticize and downgrade the plan without even implementing. So, remember when you speak about sleep training, some people, and even family, will have something negative to say. Congratulate them for raising their child and discuss that you're so excited for the route and path you and your family have chosen to take.
Things you will probably hear from those who are against sleep training will include the following:
First, well I never sleep trained and my kids turned out alright.
Second, well we just brought you and your siblings to bed with us and that was the only way we slept.
Third, having them on this strict schedule is not good for them. You are making their life so structured and they will never be able to have flexibility.
And Finally, but not the last, I could never allow a kid’s sleeping schedule to disrupt my life and my plans. They will just fall asleep where they fall asleep. Raise your hand, or a glass, if you have ever heard any of these? I have heard them all. Insert a smile and eye-roll behind my sunglasses.
When you hear these comments take them with a grain of salt. Understand that these families have not chosen to embark on the journey of safe and healthy sleep habits, but that is their family and not yours. Remember, to think about why you are choosing, or have chosen, the sleep training route and share a smile with those who disagree.
If You Are Ready To Ignore The Survivor Bias Comments
Embarking on this journey of sleep training is full of pros that combat every negative comment and eye-roll. You have chosen or will choose to seek out help because the nights have felt too long and lonely, you're extremely unhappy because of the sleep deprivation, you never see your husband because all day and night you're fighting a baby to sleep, there is no time for yourself, or quite honestly because you're a work from home mother/father and trying to provide quality work while sleep deprived has taken a toll on you.
Ignore their cons of sleep training stating that you're glued to your home for your child’s naps, you're letting your child's schedule take over your life, you're implementing rigid schedules and my favorite, their survivor bias of how they are holier-than-thou because they survived sleep deprivation.
Now that you are aware of some non-sense that you will receive or have received I want to finish this by giving you a guide on ways to handle these scenarios:
IGNORE- First and foremost, ignore it. Just like I have mentioned above, smile. Turn your cheek. Sometimes the comments do not need anything more than a smile and a wink before they understand you aren't with the BS.
WRITE IT OUT- Write them a short letter of what life has looked like for you and your family the last few weeks, months or years and why you have decided this is the right path. Sometime people need to hear your why (even though it is not their business) to fully understand your decision. Simply list your why, what has changed, and what you need from them to ensure this path works in a nicely written letter.
SIT DOWN CHAT- Lastly, sit down with them. Talk about how life has been, why you have chosen sleep training, and the ways you hope to see it impact your life. Discuss what the days will look like and how their support in this decision is needed. Discuss that your family will thrive no matter the support, but their support will allow life to feel easier and have your anxiety lessen.
The only thing that you honestly need to worry about at the end of the day is your WHY. Whether your WHY is because you and your husband needed time together, your baby was unhappy and overtired, you are a work from home parent who counted on naps and regular bedtimes, you are a stay at home parent who needed a second to breathe, or because sleep is just something you enjoy.
This is your family. This is your path. Those who love you will support you. Remember, we are not in a race to receive the most sleep deprived mother or father award.
Sleep is Bee-utiful. If you and your family are on the fence about making Sleep Training a part of your journey, email support@therestingbee.com and lets get you a FREE consult!