Bee Stings on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day… it quickly approaches each year. Each year, this year being my fourth, I sit in awe that wow, I… am… a… mom. The blessing of being able to write that statement is not lost on me. I know that it is a blessing. That it is a true pleasure to say it without tears pouring down my face, my heart feeling broken or my world feeling empty.
We have become accustomed to thinking of the word mother and only seeing a woman with her own biological children, but in reality… motherhood is so much more than that. Motherhood is powerful and it is brokenness. There is beauty and there is pain. Mother’s Day doesn’t just bring out the goodness of the journey, it also brings out the grievances. Sort of like Spring… it brings out the beauty of blooming flowers, fresh grass and warmth from the sun, but also, bee stings.
Because not only is motherhood a celebration of the picture perfect scenario of a woman celebrating the birth of her biological children… It is also the grievance of a mother who has lost her child, a mother who cannot stay pregnant, a woman who cannot get pregnant, a mother who has no village and also, there are the mother’s who never wanted to be mother’s.
As we celebrate this weekend rejoicing the power, strength and emotion that the word Mother brings on, may we rejoice in our journey that may be filled with joy, but remember our friends, neighbors, or even our own family who may just be feeling like the bee’s keep on stinging as they hear over and over again, HAPPY Mother’s Day.
Tips to Celebrate those encountering different bee stings this Mother’s Day…
To our friends or family who have lost a child… what to do.
Whether this is a child lost at just 1 day old or a child lost as an adult…send the Mother a handwritten letter. In this letter ensure you do three things. 1. Write out their child’s name. Let them know that you remember their child, and you remember them. 2. Write to them how you’re honoring them and 3. remind them that you will never stop thinking of them. The few mother’s I have spoken to or read about have all wanted people to speak their child’s name. They love to hear their child’s name and especially when other’s want to know or hear about them. Hearing the word Happy over and over again when referring to Mother’s day can bring up so many feelings from a grieving mother. Maybe the bee sting is fresh. Maybe this is their first Mother’s Day since the loss of their child and they have no idea how they’re going to breathe long enough to celebrate this day. Maybe the wound is old, but the anger still arises. Accept them where they are and love them through the sting.
To our friends or family who just keep hearing the horrible “M” word while hoping for a peaceful pregnancy.
Whether this is their 1st miscarriage or their 20th… hold them in their brokenness. Send them a card that speaks of them as a mother, because even if they’ve been unable to hold their sweet baby earth-side, they are still mother’s and they are still important. Their journey looks different, but they still need to be held and loved. Hearing “Happy” Mother’s Day as you constantly grieve the moment you knew your hopes and dreams weren’t coming true, as you constantly replay the day you sat in that Dr.’s office with a tear stained face. So, friends hold them Hold them as they scream, as they yell, as they sit in silence. Mother’s Day just isn’t so happy… all the time.
To the women in our lives who became our adopted aunts, mothers or teachers because no matter what avenue they took/take… they aren’t able to become mother’s.
These women need to hear how important they are to you. They need to hear that at one point in time they were mother’s to you. Not because they birthed you from their own body, but because they’ve birthed new light into you by praying over you, praising you, encouraging you, loving you and never leaving you hopeless. They need to be reminded that the title Mother does not exclude them and that they are also celebrated. The sting of the bee can feel deep when women are constantly living in a world that is celebrating a title they don’t ever think they can be a part of. This year is your year to change that.
To our friends and family who are grieving the loss of their Mother’s.
Let’s send them something that reminds them of their Mother. Whether that be an animal that their mother liked, a coffee from her favorite coffee house, their Mother’s favorite candy or even alcoholic beverage. People love to know that they are remembered, but also, that their missing loved one is never forgotten and always cherished. Losing a mother, the one who births you, that you always feel so connected too, can bring about the emotions that leave you drowning and lost. Let’s love our friend’s feeling broken as they celebrate a mother who they can no longer touch.
To our friends who do not know their Mother’s.
Maybe this is a friend who chose to break off this relationship due to toxic reasons, or maybe this is a friend who never knew their mother due to trauma, birth related issues or abandonment. Imagine trying to celebrate Mother’s Day when all you feel is the brokenness of your childhood, the abandonment of your feelings and the pain of all the years you’ve never held high regard for your mother. Let’s remember that there is so much trauma and hardship in the lives of people who have grown up without their Mother and then, we expect them celebrate Mother’s Day and too also, do that while being Happy. The bee has stung them for many years now and all they need to be reminded of is that their story was not their fault and they are still deserving of love and happiness. Do something to include them. Whether that be taking them out 1:1, inviting them over for brunch or send them a card just simply stating, “I’m thinking of you.”
To those who have no village, and are Single Mother’s.
These mother’s are simply being smothered each and every day by the constant push and pull of motherhood, like the rest of us, but these have no help. There is no grandmother who is offering weekend breaks, there are no father’s stepping up and completing their task. Or maybe, the father is in the picture but is still stuck in the 40’s where they believed it was a woman’s job to dedicate each and every second of her drowning life to her children, without ever coming to the surface to breathe. So, what do we need to celebrate these Mother’s? We just need to quite simply give them a DAMN break. Stop telling them how freaking awesome they are, they know that. Just give them a break. A night away, a day away…. an hour away. These women sometimes can’t be the women to really “soak it in” because there’s never a second that they can.
To those who never wanted to be Mother’s.
This might seem strange, but there are many women out there… who never wanted to be Mother’s and maybe their heart changed when the child came, but also maybe it didn’t. Motherhood is not easy, and sometimes we forget that quite honestly, it is not for everyone. Though these women might sacrifice their entire lives for their children, but sometimes, or most of the time all they can think about are the careers they are no longer chasing, the dreams they are no longer hoping for and the life they are no longer living. Here we just need to simply love these Mother’s where they are without constantly smothering them with more guilt.
Each of our Motherhood journeys are filled with different stories, trials and brokenness. Let’s remind ourselves, on this day of honoring mothers, that there may be someone who needs a hug, a simple reminder that you are thinking of them, an invitation to be included, a break… or just your love.
Wherever you are, if you are constantly feeling the bee sting as you hear, Happy Mother’s Day… your feelings are validated.
Sending love to all who are filled with brokenness today, and this weekend!
