HELP! Two to a Room
You just sat down after telling all of your friends and family about the new sibling your first, second or however many children you have is going to meet, and you begin to think…. WHERE IS THIS CHILD GOING TO SLEEP?
ROOM SHARING? HOW? WHAT?
Maybe you have an extra room in the home, that was considered the guest room, that you could make into a beautiful nursery, or maybe your kids could room share. There are many possible scenarios for room sharing and I am here to help your anxiety mellow out over this new change.
Maybe your home is really small, maybe you are an artist and use the spare room for your studio, maybe you use the extra room in the home for a playroom, or maybe better yet, you just want your kids to share a room. Whatever the scenario is just know, it can be done.
There is nothing magical or expensive that needs to happen. Preparation, set boundaries and understanding are the most important tools to ensure your children not only share a room, but get their best rest. Have full understanding that it is completely doable to have your children, at any ages, share a room. There may be an easier age to ensure that things fall into place quicker, but it is doable at any age.
Stated above were the three words: Preparation, Set Boundaries and Understanding. Not only will you see me state these words in blogs or instagram post, but also hear them verbally when you work with me. When entering the sleep world it is great to know that sleep is something that needs to be taught. Sleep does not come to us, especially babies, naturally, well, rest-full sleep that is. Preparation, set boundaries and understanding do not necessarily mean preparing the babies, setting boundaries with the babies, or having them understand the boundaries, but mostly, preparing yourself, setting your own boundaries of how you want things to fall into place, and understanding that sleep is not linear. The older the child the more these words fall into place of preparing them, setting boundaries with them and understanding their needs.
When speaking of siblings sharing a room we will need to know that room preparation needs to happen, boundary setting with your children and lots of conversations to ensure there is understanding of what needs to happen between both the parent and the child.
Let’s grab a pen and dive into these three magical words.
Oh great, another thing to do. Guess what? Welcome to motherhood. I feel for the rest of our lives we will be preparing are children for something. Now it is sleep, in three years it is school, in seven years it is a hurtful friendship, in 12 years it is a broken heart, in 16 years it is a flat tire on the side of the road… and the list continues.
PREPARATION: So, how do we prepare our children for sharing a room?
Dark Room
Double up on the Sound Machine
Sleep Independently
Conversations
How do you darken the room? The easiest and cheapest way for this is to buy black poster board or use aluminum foil. The more expensive way to provide more of a wall between the children is ordering and using the Slumberpod.
Doubling up on the sound machine (ensuring both are no louder than 50db) so that each child has their own white noise to soothe them, but also, block out the other child’s distractions. Another smart idea is to have a box fan in the room also, which provides extra noise, but keeps them cool as well.
Knowing that both children can put themselves to sleep is a huge matter in this case. There is not the extra distractions of a sibling needing mom to help them get to sleep, but rather they both know to lay in their beds and fall asleep without anything other than the soothing sound machine and a dark room.
When your littles know how to fall asleep independently things can feel more flexible. Say, the younger child, eight months, needs a 7:30 pm bedtime, but your oldest who is four needs an 8pm bedtime, you will just stagger the bedtime and put the eight month old down first and then, the four year old. This staggering also works when their bedtime is needing to be around the same time. You would just put one down ten minutes before the other and then, lay the other child down. It would be best to lay the youngest child down first and then, the oldest who is more flexible.
Frequent conversations and explanations of what this room sharing change will look like is extremely important for our older kids. Children thrive when they feel as if, they have control! Begin having conversations with them a week before the change. In these conversations let them have control by asking them if they would like to have one sound machine over the other, ask if they would like to have the books closer to their bed or their siblings. Discuss with them why they are room sharing, maybe a simple, “because we want you guys to be closer together/ the spare room is going to be used for a playroom, it will give more space for your toys” will help state the why.
Discuss what room sharing will look like. An example of this being: The room will be dark, there will be two beds, each of you will have your own sound machine and each will be expected to sleep all night until a parent comes and gets you both when it is morning!
If your oldest wakes at 7am and the youngest child wakes at 8am then, practice “sneaking” out of the room with your oldest child. Say they have a hatch and their light turns green at 7am so they know they are able to get out of bed, we will put their bed closer to the door and teach them how to quietly exit without waking their sibling.
BOUNDARY SETTING:
This is where setting boundaries comes into place. Ensuring that each child knows what is needed from them to successfully gain their rest each night. There can not be different expectations for your child each night. They need to know that their parent is consistent and will follow through. If your children are unaware of sleeping independently then, you have not set the boundary and then, this creates distractions to the other child (This is for parents who are comfortable sleep training). If you are comfortable with getting up to help your child get back to sleep each night, perfect.. just know this may cause your other child to wake as well. If there are boundaries in place where they know how to sleep independently, they know that their parents will follow through and that the expectations are clear for what is needed from them, the nights will be more restful.
If the boundary is both your eight month old and four year old are going to share a room ensure that you are discussing and modeling this with both children. Sure, the eight month old will find you more silly than understand, but it is surely needed. If the first night you put them in their room and are in and out constantly for the other child, they are going to be confused. So, how do you model this? You read books! IS there a book about siblings sharing a room? I am unsure, but you can pretend. Create your own notebook paper book or use chalk on the sidewalk.
If the boundary of independent sleep was prepared and set out for them before they shared a room then, it should stay in place once they share a room.
UNDERSTANDING:
So, where does understanding come in place? First, it’s ensuring that you understand what you need to do to prepare the room, prepare the kid, prepare yourself and then, set the boundaries.
If you have prepared and set the boundaries now it is time to ensure that your child understands what they need to do incase of wake—ups from the other child, incase of restless nights, or anything else that may occur. Explain with your oldest if the younger sibling is crying that you, the parent are aware and will help and that they do not need to interfere. Discuss that some nights may be harder than others to fall asleep due to sickness or late evenings, but laying in bed quietly and falling asleep when they can is perfectly fine. Stating to your child when the other sibling is sick that you may have to enter the room in the middle of the night to administer medicine, but you will wake them when it is morning.
With your four year old be sure to ask questions and see if they understand what you mean as in sharing a room. Questions as in, “Hey bud, do you remember what is going to happen tonight when you and sissy go to bed?” See what their response is and help coach them through the correct answer if they are stumbling. This ability to recite back to you what is going to happen helps you know that they are aware of the change and help you better answer any questions that have or will arise.
Another example of ensuring your child understands what you need from them is having a role play of what they need to do if they are able to wake in the morning before their sibling. Have them practice “sneaking” out of the room quietly when they have been given the “ok to wake" by any sort of toddler clock.
When implementing this new change ensure to start implementing the room sharing at bedtime and not during naps. There is a higher sleep drive during our nighttime sleep rather than when we are trying to receive our daytime sleep. During naps, if both are still napping, I would ensure that either there is a slumberpod in place, the nap times are not during the same periods, or that one child naps in a dark closet, or parents room that is set up for safe sleep.
Now that we have prepared the child, set the boundaries with yourself and child, and have full understanding of what the nights will look like… It is time to dive in.
Be aware that the first three nights may seem wonky. STICK with the process and remember your children know how to sleep.
Hope this helps,
Follow @therestingbee on instagram for all the up-to-date sleep tips! For further support send Brooke an email to support@therestingbee.com
