Bedtime is a time where kids know that they are going to be in their rooms, and that last contact that they want, may be with the preferred parent, of their choice at this time.

The preferred parent will change. It will not always be the same, but majority of the time I see kids prefer a parent who is either the “default” or the “fun” parent.

In this blog we will go over THREE tips to help with the bedtime battle of wanting the preferred parent.

Before we dive into the three tips, on helping alleviate the bedtime battle of wanting the preferred parent, we need to make sure that we are not letting the behavior create an attitude within us that then, creates even more chaos. Understanding that this is normal and will continue to happen, to both parents, will help ease the issue.

How To Help the Bedtime Battle of Wanting The Preferred Parent:

Validate & Hold the Boundary
- Sometimes validating their feelings can be hard, when we quite honestly do not know why they are choosing one parent over the other.
- Validating your little one’s feelings allows them to know that what they are feeling, is fine. They can want mommy to put them to bed because she gives the best hugs, but tonight, daddy is going to put them to bed.
  - So first, validate: “I know you love when mommy puts you to bed, she is really kind” Hold the boundary: “but tonight, daddy is going to put you to bed and mommy can get you up in the morning.”
Out of Sight:
- Having the preferred parent sitting in visible sight or the child can hear them, may cause the bedtime battle to be even more chaotic.
- Have the preferred parent give them hugs and love before the bedtime routine and have that parent state, “daddy is going to put you to bed tonight, but mommy is going to get you up in the morning.”
Create a “non-preferred parent and child fun- time.”
- Is there a specific game that you two (non-preferred parent and child) can begin to do together that the other parent does not play?
  - Examples from my family:
    - My husband plays and acts out Power Rangers with the girls. I have never watched Power Rangers and I am clueless.
    - I make-up super silly songs and sang them to the girls. They are always different and usually have to do with whatever they played with, talked about or are interested in that day. My husband is not able to do this as well.
  - Re-introduce this bond and fun time between the two of you during the bedtime routine.

Try and keep both parents involved in the bedtime routine, if possible. It is not always that easy, and I get that.

My husband used to travel for work and would be gone for weeks. I was the default parent, and when he would come home the girls routine was disrupted. They would throw a fit when mom was not involved within the bedtime routine. It is a process.

We have put these techniques in place, and have seen success.

If sleep is not the regular in your home, I would love to chat on a Free Call!

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